Experts say that one of the keys to a happy marriage is daily time sharing with each other. If you can spend just 10-20 minutes each day connecting with each other, you can develop empathy, and research shows that empathy is such a crucial ingredient in a thriving marriage. In fact, I explored the importance of empathy in THIS post.
I’ve recently learned and started a practice developed years ago by famed therapist Virginia Satir called “The Daily Temperature Reading”. This simple practice, which takes just minutes a day, helps couples create and sustain strong, healthy, loving relationships. When you do these, make sure you are holding hands and look each other in the eye. Each person has the chance to share in each section and the other person listens without interrupting, before moving on to the next section.
Now you can get the full breakdown HERE, but I’m going to walk you through each step:
1/Appreciations: This is where you share just a couple of things that you appreciate about each other. This can be as simple as “I like your smile” to “I appreciate you doing the dishes after dinner tonight”. It can be a really nice surprise to realize just how much our spouse notices and appreciates.
2/New Information. This is just meant for keeping each other” in the loop” on day to day stuff. You can start this by saying things like “I want to tell you about…” or “I heard today that…” or “I need to remind you that…”. It’s just about keeping each other informed, which is crucial to staying in synch and feeling connected.
3/Puzzles. This is just an opportunity to clear up any big or little mysteries in and around your collective worlds. With puzzles, you can clear up any big or little mysteries before they become suspicions, jealousy, false assumptions or resentments.
4/Concerns with Request for Change. This is where you get in the habit of saying what you want instead of what you don’t want. Basically, you can just describe a specific behavior that bothers you and explain how you’d like it done. This is a chance for you to make a REASONABLE request. Instead of saying something like “I hate it when you spew toothpaste all over the sink”, say something like “Could you do me a favor and clean up after yourself in the sink after you brush your teeth, so that there’s not any leftover toothpaste still in the sink?”
5/Hopes, Wishes, and Dreams. This is an opportunity to let your spouse know some things you are hoping for in the long run and in the short term. A partner who understands your dreams is able to help make them happen. Just like any of the rest of the items on this list, these things change, so it’s important to keep each other current.
Arrange a time that suits both of you to do these every day, Now it may feel a bit uncomfortable and awkward at first, but once you get in the groove of doing this on a regular basis, you’ll find it very helpful, and a real key to keeping your relationship strong and healthy. You can even do it with your kids. It’s a big help to just about any relationship!
Here it is in practice (with some audio difficulty):